Friday, June 20, 2008

i care

for one
mrs blog
you should really becareful of what you say
you apparently do not know me really at all
how do you figure i do this for attention
if you dont like it
dont read it
i do this as a release..
maybe sometimes to let others know what is going on without really having to talk about it
do you think it is healthier to keep it all in
just make it look nice on the outside....
you have no right to judge
when you wont even give your name
if you dont want anyone else to know
until then
take a rest .....

no need to focus on the negative...
i have other things on my mind
we have a friend
he has been on my mind lately
he is severely addicted to opiates ...
that is opiates of any kind
pills, heroin....
and we all have known for a long time..
he has hurt us...
and we continue to know that he is killing himself and we stand by and watch
i wanted to make a difference
when he called dj's cell phone the other night, i got a few seconds to hear his voice
it was actualy disturbing
hearing the slur
i asked him why
why he wants to live like this
he said cause he doesn't want to be tortured....
but isnt that what he is doing to himself everyday
i couldnt shake the sound of his voice
the loneliness that i heard
i was there

i went to talk to him
not intentionally,
i drove past his house with a friend...
he was outside
i drove past three times before i stopped
i got out of the car
i gave him a hug
and he cried
and i didnt ask him to go to rehab
i just let him know...there is someone here that will listen
i hugged him again
he shook and cried
he is high
he is alone
and as many of you may not wanna hear
so was i
but see the difference is
i had family that loved me, i pushed away
but i knew they were there...
in the back of my head
i knew they would listen
he has no one that cares...NO ONE
no one to say...
i will travel this road with you if you need me
having a hand extended to you is an amazing feeling...
and love
i could never imagine not having it because i have had it all of my life
and recently
over the last few years...
friends that stand by me
i stood talking to him...
looking in to this strangers face...
looking for the friend that i once knew
his face distorted, puffy
missing teeth
a lost soul
a boy that is trying to find his way
he wasnt this person
addiction is a horrible disease..
no one ever beats it
there is no cure
you just live and battle
i cringe at the thought of ever feeling that low
losing myself
being in that spot
where you think you have no one

i told him i was gonna call him everyday
even if he doesnt answer
i called...his aunt is there
he is not
maybe he went to get help
maybe the support of old friends will make a difference in his life
dj is his childhood friend and i am sure that it makes him feel safe when he talks to d
just maybe
we can make a difference
if not...
i do not want to have one negative thought
just maybe if i can muster up some positive thoughts and prayers...
i just want you all to understand...
i am a caring person, deep down
i blow alot of shit off
but i relate to him
in a weird way
and i do want to try and help
i know not everyone wants it
and i know not everyone will think i am doing the right thing
but what if everyone gave up on me
i just want him to know people care