Tuesday, April 21, 2009


JUST STOP..................


Tuesday, April 14, 2009


today was a real hard day
i watched my husband...(yes, legally we are married)
bury his best friend...
slowly over the years, all of us at one time or another have tried to help
tried to show him we were there
tried to hold him
let him cry
let him hurt
he has struggled with a heavy addiction
a disease i know well
feeling alone, even when people are all around you
wanting out ....even when you cannot fight
i dont believe that tom did this on purpose
i believe is was totally .... well, i geuss it is one in the same
putting the drugs in your body does slowly kill you
as i walked into that funeral home, seeing him laying there actually weakened my knees...
i never felt what i did
i cried...

i wasnt toms best friend

i didnt grow up with him

but he was a part of my life...

he was always a shoulder

and i was glad to be his

i wish i would have never let him go that day..

let him cry on my shoulder

felt him shake as he held me so tight

tom was and is a good person that got caught up in a horrible disease

he is loved

he is, was and will be missed

he doesnt have to fight now

he is truly in the arms of angels

i hope no one ever feels the addiction, the loneliness, the hopelessness of the disease

i am glad i got out and found my own strength to overcome a demon,

i have many...

one day

everything will come together....

i am working on it!

Monday, April 6, 2009

i am a bitch

i love me some new kids...
i just found twitter
so now as i work...i find other shit i can neb shit in
so i found donnie wahlberg
on twitter
so maybe he will wanna meet me
and fall in love and

i know
just thought i would put a blog out there just to let my wonderful family
barely hear from anyone anymore
i forget what my nephews look like
oh yeah...he is my brother
but we are all family
rememebr two years ago when we were all so close
my cirsis
my rehab
we were all gonna be there for each other
seems i always wonder what everyone is doing and i know i am at fault too
i mean does anyone know where i actually work or what the hell i am actually doing?
and i always wonder why my mother keeps in touch so much with my brother and his wife
why i always have to be the one to call or email
but oh well...
just venting
actually...i like my life like this....distant and away ....i like it better that no one asks me a freaking thousand questions everyday...
i am a bitch today
just feel like bitchin