Friday, November 28, 2008

happy birthday logan and zachary.......

i love my nephews
Logan just made my night!!
bens hugs....hello and goodbye.... actually made my night....but that is a whole other blog.......LMAO
god does he have the most wonderful....huge...strong!!!!
kelly is a lucky, lucky girl...ok enough with my ben crush...........AAAAAAAAH HHHHHA Ha)

he was so snuggly and cuddly with me

i loved it
Zachary and Collin are just too cute
the best friends that they are...

i love it...

my camera has to be plugged in all the time now
no charge to be had on this kodak...
i am so pissed
my point is that most of the pictures are like from the side...

wherever i could find an outlet

the kids waiting patiently for a peice of cake...

the are some cute kids
happy birthday ( early )
zachary and logan!
i love you

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

have a wonderful thanksgiving!

today i am sad
i said goodbye to my kids this morning knowing that this is the first year we are not all together as a family
they had lots of questions last night
why am i not coming to grama shells
why cant i stay at daddys house and watch the parade with them
and i cried my eyes out this morning
i was huggin collin,
he said mom
you can let me go now
i said no collin
i cant
i fought back tears!!!lol
watching him get into the car with his jaguar
holding him tight...ughhhhhh
told them to call me for the parade and to save me some pumpkin roll from grams...
this is such a mixed emotions day
you know
all that me and dj went through,
we were always together on the holidays
this is the first year that we are not
and i am just
as aggrevating as it is to travel with kids on thanksgiving
to all the families and firends
i am just really bummed
so i decided to sit and make a list of things that i am thankful for
pshcotropics!!! ha ha
my kids....
my mother and father
most of my family
that i am healthy...for the most part
that my gram is still here for another thanksgiving
my beautiful nephews, when i see their little faces, i light up
i have a roof over my head
i have heat and food and water
i am thankful for rick and joe
and i am thankful that for the most part, i am content...
i dont think i have ever said that
i am content in my life
things could be better, but they can always be way
i am happy i am where i am
i am thankful that i met mike
i fight him tooth and nail lately
looking for anything to push him away
and he is fighting for me
dealing with all my shit
things are good
i am thankful that i laugh everyday
with him, and my kids
and i am just pretty happy with my life..
things are looking up
so to all of you
happy thanksgiving...
thank you for being in my life

Monday, November 24, 2008


so today didn't end up so bad ..
i geuss
mike came over tonight for dinner with his daughter
so the kids played together

lily has been waiting!!!!!

it was fun

they had a blast
and it has been a long time since i was hangin with an 18 month old child
very different!!!!!!

she is very sweet though...

jon michael is getting married...........

so if any one you were wondering what mikes...(aka jon michael) fiance lookied like
this is them

he is so handsome! and looks pretty happy
congrats mike!

when i think about the weekend, i think of pot roast

i have a funny for ya

to change it up a little

i was going through old cds...

or should i say unlabeled cd

photo cds

and i damn near pissed my self looking at the


i have a few fun photo captions to share

megan really did have joe jonas checkin her out...

listen....i dont care what jonas brother you are.....
your little cute ass is not pulling all THIS up there.....let me go
no jen..the harnesses dont get any tighter.........
is anyone else thinking of a pot roast........jesus christ...........LM AO could it be any tighter
i had bruises on my body for weeks after that
blood blisters..........
so funny
i loved that weekend..........

Sunday, November 23, 2008

happy holidays

i would love to know why you post anonymously
all of a sudden you have turned into a therapist...
i wasnt aware i was related to any doctors.......

and i would love to know who said i was doing cocaine
i think it is hilarious
yes i know life throws shit at me
i know i may not deal with it well
but come on everyone
i geuss that is what you all must think of me


maybe i post these feelings the wrong way or maybe i really just do not know how to deal with "life"
but i have to laugh
i geuss i will always be labeled a drug addict to all of you
and i geuss that mask is hard to lose
i am not using drugs...
i can take a drug test for all of you if that is what you need
i have no problem doing that

you know..........
i have the balls to post my feelings
it makes me feel better in a way
but i do it honestly and with my name on it
i own it
have the guts to own your bull shit comments, huh?
and so you know
lexapro is not the only medication i am on anymore
its not the meds
thanks for being concerned
and i am honest with my therapist
it is the only person that doesnt judge me...
she listens and recommends
without judgement
i wish you could do the same!
i erased the post i put on here earlier today
because i thought it was unfair to say mean things
but i am right
my feelings are right
my friends and family
you are not my doctor nor are you my therapist
NOR do you know what i am doing in my personal life
cause for dont care to ask
you like to just talk shit
for two
you would rather assume than to know the facts!!!!!
and i am not gonna lie
your comments hurt
everyone in my life knows how much people talking about me bothers me
and i know who you are
i have voiced this to you personally!!!!!!!!
so please
just leave me the fuck alone
cause apparently you are being very nice to my face,
and talking shit behind my back
i am over all of you
that is why no one hears from me
i would rather stay in my own little world
cause for the most part
it is happier than i ever was trusting any of you
why the hell would anyone subject themselves to you
the critic
like you and your life is so
happy thanksgiving
i will not be attending any functions this week
besides my nephews birthday party
at least there i can laugh without worrying about who is saying what
and it sucks cause all of you know that it is this that bothers me the most
i wish that you could come to me
call me
stop by
talk to me
i geuss once again it is easier to send me little comments
i fyou have something to say to me
fucking grow some balls...
quit hiding behind this blog!

i thought we were past this
so happy holidays everyone
ha ha ha
happy holidays

Saturday, November 22, 2008


i am in a state of mass confusion
my life is in turmoil
everything seems to cave on me at once...
my face is breaking out into boil sized blemishes
the holidays are longer approaching and i am just


i dont know
i have all these thoughts and feelings floating through my head
i am questioning everything
i think i may need upped on my crazy pills...
i dont know
possibly anxiety

but i am posting this because i just need to not have the phone calls with the fifty questions
i just cant handle it
so i dont snap

Friday, November 21, 2008

well.......i need a degree

just got the call...
they are interviewing two more people...
doesnt sound good,
apparently they need someone with a bachelors degree to type and answer phones
my friend that workds there says not to count myself out yet
they really liked me...
just my luck
not giving up i have two more interviews next week



i just thought i'd share

i was filling out applications online...

and collin was peeing...

or so i thought

and he actually stood next to me, talking to me and then walked in the living room to watch tv and i came in....

this is what i saw

i said collin, what is all over you

he said mom
i just used your chapstick...


i love him

oh yeah
and color stay lipstick.....stays!

Monday, November 17, 2008

please keep your fingers crossed

i have wonderful news
i have a wonderful job connection at the pittsburgh houseing authority and it looks like i may be able to get a job as an admin assist
the starting salary is nice and there are benefits....
i am going wed
please keep your fingers crossed!!!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

dirty dancing

please pause my music and enjoy the kids.............i dont know if any of you think this is a funny as i did....but wow....i crack up

they are all in their own world...


Monday, November 10, 2008

my wonderful kids

i am not sure how it happens
but i have some amazing kids

i just got back from open house
and well let me first start with abby

mrs caterinella
just raved about her....
how she is coming out of her shell
how smart she is...
about how she works well with other kids and how polite she is...



that about does it...she is that..but where is the abby i know
the abby that screams and whines my name 478 times before my eyes open...
or the abby that wrestles and fights her brother...and sister

so then we go to jareds
i was nervous for this one
i struggle with homework with him
i mean one sheet can take up to a half an hour
i open his report card

the lowest grade was a 72
that is a low c
and that was in math

but oh my god
his teacher raved about him
how he gets things, just takes him a little longer
how he raised his hand twice last week and asked to sit closer to the front..
how polite he is

and well,
jared is jared
he can be stubborn....
and mean
but he is my baby and loves me so much

and i do him too

and then we get to lily
first of all
mrs caterinella still raves about her from last year
and then
her teacher this year
mrs youngkin....
says how well she has adjusted to first grade...
how intelligent she is
and how she just gets things
she picks them up and is almost an independent reader
(which is mrs youngkins term for advanced)
and then showed us all of her 100% papers
when i call her name
or the attitude i get of her stomping up the steps

but i geuss my point here is we are doing something right
something i am teaching them is coming across cause they are totally different kids in public
in school
around friends
and i love that
that is when it counts
they can be crazy monsters at home....
and i do mean CRAZY
but they have manners beyond compare and are really intelligent kids in the real world

i love them
i do

they are the best

the tooth fairy

so the little snaggle tooth that was hanging...finally fell out
or should i say...lil ripped it out
it was like someone got murdered
i was doing dishes and she came running into the kitchen covered in blood
tooth was no where to be found...
we assumed she swallowed it .... you know
in the midst of all theblood
we searched and searched the living room
then she says
i know i swallowed it
so she wrote the toothe fairy a note....

freakin cute
so she woke up the next morning and flew down the steps..
there was a little silver box under her pillow...
it held five bucks....and a note from the tooth fairy
thanking lily for the note and letting her know that she had retrieved the tooth
and wanted lily to give it to her mom to hold
and under the note was the tooth
lily was in shock....
the tooth fairy actually flew into her stomach and found her tooth
she really is magic!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

today i am at peace..........

i have realized that sometimes you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons
and i am talking about relationships with friends...
i have found that sometimes i stay friends with the wrong people
backstabbing people and i just dont get why
why do i stay friends with someone that tried to sleep with my husband,
that lies to me continuously
why do i try to help a friend that continuoulsy stabs me in the back
i sat with my friend for three days
laughed with her
cried with her
she said she needed help
that she needed to go to rehab, that she lost herself
she felt that she was going crazy
i know that feeling
i felt her pain....
so i was there
not like this is the only time either
i am always there for her....
always....but no more
i waited with her
took her to the hospital
she got beat up.....she had her ribs broken and some other random injuries from her wonderful boyfriend...
held her when she cried of broken ribs and a broken heart
and then witness her turn on me
i dont know if it was to go back to him,
or to get away from me
but i gave her real friendship and she turned it down
i gave her honesty
i gave her my shoulder, my heart and my ear
and well
now i am done
i have washed my hands of it
no one can help this woman

no one but herself

because i dont understand how you date someone for two months, let him beat the shit out of you for most of that time and then want to stay with him
someone that has nothing to offer
that comes from a broken, horrible family
no ambition

i just dont get it
but i am done trying to understand
i am over this friendship because i am choosing to surround myself with positive people
i am tired of others bringing me down
not just this friends
but everyone in my life

so today
i feel a calm
a relief...

i am happy