Wednesday, March 4, 2009

im done with you

i sit here wondering....
why do i let it happen
why do i fall for all this bullshit
why cant i just walk away
is it the guilt that i keep putting up with the abuse
the hurt
who has these answers for me
just when i think that all is ok...that things are going my way
that i am finally going to be head above water
i get a punch in the gut

i have been in my house now for two weeks
appreciating all that i have somewhat let go..not paid very much attention to
like the laughter of my kids
walking with collin and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate with him while he tells me his "funny" story
laughing with abby cause she had two different shoes on for mixed matched day
listening to jared finally open up to me about his life...just his 9 year old life
lily....telling me how she knows everything in school...shes bored...lmao

i did took these things for granted..and it is nights like this that i fall asleep and wake to find out these crazy people....
people that just dont wanna see me happy
these people that leave me the most ridiculous messages in my email, myspace and facebook..
trying to set me up .... make me feel stupid

i am not that stupid and actually, i am pretty smart...

i am tired people...
i am tired of living in this shadow..
shadow of guilt

see it is pretty easy to get me,
cause when i catch you hurting is pretty easy to flip the script..
turn it around
make me feel guilty
so there is no other choice other than to cut you out
no more
i refuse to hurt anymore
i have spent so much of my life trying to make up
for insecurites,
i am not a bad person
i made alot of bad coices
i do not deserve to live like this anymore
my kids are so happy that i am happy
so please ...dont call me
dont txt me
dont message me
dont send me emails

let my kids be happy with the mom they deserve
i will not answer anymore negative comments, emails, phone calls


and if you keep it up...i will file charges

i am 33 years old...i am not a junior in high school
im done with you