Sunday, May 30, 2010

game over

i bitch about not having good friends..
i have two really good friends..
they tell me like it is
they listen and let me talk
and they tell me that its gonna hurt like a bitch
nothing is gonna dull is the end of something
and i never thought in a million years that i would talk to them like i have today
thank you...
the end of something...hmmm.... never really had an end of anything..
that's it..
everything in my life lingers..
so i have to end this "vicious cycle"
or you ended it..i ended it..u definately ended it this time..
oh well..its over right?

today i sat and watched my kids play in the pool
today i laughed
i miss them when they arent with me

and tonight is the last night i will shed a tear thinking of you
cause it hurts so much
im giving my self one cry...tomorrow ill deal
and i geuss i was grasping at what i thought could have been and never was...
from the door we were fucked...
and by the wat..
you didnt have to say those things to me that night..
that weekend
cause you knew what you were doing...

cause while in the past month i have heard so much from you
no one will ever take my place
that you wanted me ...
just be my asked me three times
and held me so close..
let me treat you like you should be treated
and then that cunt is laying in the same spot i was five days before
and you tell me there are no feelings for her
and yet you are at her sisters house right now...with her

i am a fool for you at all the wrong times
i let you make me feel insecure AGAIN
and i told you today you wont hear from me again
and you wont

she is a replacement of me
she lives in my shadow
a distraction said distraction

and no i am not going to stop posting this blog
i love it
it frees me
of my feelings of you
cause i know you read it..and way or another you will realize one day that i am not the only crazy one..
i am an attention hog and a lot of worthy people read and give me good feedback
and its not always good...
but it is something

im not crazy
i am a person with a lot of emotion
and feeling
and i just cannot believe that this is happening
but it is what it is..
you have compared this to me and mike
she is mike
the only difference is that she hasnt been around the kids..
im sure she will be
but maybe not
we play tit for tat
the endless game of lets see who can hurt who the most
well you played well babe
you have come out ahead it looks like
you have a wonderful family
2 lovely sisters and
an amazing girlfriend..
you have it all

i geuss i lost
you won