Monday, December 22, 2008

happy holidays

i was on a break
from all of you negative people
now we are all sitting together
face to face
this whole week
eating, laughing
it is such a shame that it is all fake

not for me
i love all of you
i love to laugh
but it is times like these
little moments of surfing the net
you never know what you will find

who is talking about you now
fuck off

i love my life right now
christmas has approached us so fast
i do regret that i could barely afford to buy for my kids,
so if any of you are expecting a gift...sorry...
i am
i feel really bad
i know all of you that spend tons of money on my kids at christmas
i just started working and well....
i had to get my kids their santa stuff..

i dont even wanna get into that
and by the way
my coach bags are fake....

in a few days we will be up at the crack of dawn opening gifts...
and all everyone is worried about is where my kids will be opening
and which house the gifts will reside..
does this really matter
i wish that all of you would just look at things in the big picture
these are my kids memories...
i am trying to make them happy ones
i am trying
so if we open presents at djs on christmas..all together
or if we do it here..
i am doing this for my kids
not for me
they are christmas..
not you
and your selfish thoughts...negative comments
in the grand scheme of things..
this is a tiny speck of my lifeline....theirs too..
so if i dont make the right decision on the gift opening
it is not the end of the world

so please
enjoy every moment
cause this life of ours is very short..
in a few years, they wont believe in santa...
they will not wanna sleep with me
and they will not want me calling them boopy anymore...
and it breaks my heart
to even think of it

i just love the feeling right now
that i have
i love them
i love all of you
no matter what you may think of me

merry christmas everyone!!!
happy holidays and happy new year!!!

see ya next year


adbaker25 said...

You definitely have the right idea about how to handle things! Hang in there and have a great holiday with your kids!

supah ~d said...

That is a BEAUTIFUL family pic ... my favorite. Happy Merry to you ALL. :) love love love
d and the crew

carrie said...

i've missed you, jenn.

i've never in the 20+ years that we have been seperated found a soul that has your courage, spirit and plainly---just the kind of person that is real "life." you actually live and breathe it while sometimes i feel like others (myself included) just go along..through the motions..doing what they are supposed to do, what is expected. it's what we have been trained to do in most ways if you think about it.

you seem to think you are going along so clumsily in life? you think you are shortchanging everyone? i think you're the only one you've done that to, personally. i just see it so different and i cry/smile everytime i find you finding the strength to find how to balance and seek out happiness where you can.

happy holidays.

one day soon, i will get my ass up there to give you a big hug.

all my love,