MVP

yep that is me....made it to second on one hit
what you dont see
is my chest as i am gasping for air
and my leg shaking from my muscles asking me what the fuck i am doing
running like that...




i mean..i had to post this today...late because every muscle in my freaking body hurts
we had a family softball game yesterday
and i thought...going in..
that i was pretty atheltic...lmao
i mean, when i think of sports, i think how i used to just go ahead and run...
walk,
play field hockey
run
ha haha
but i did not think about the last time i did those things


I WAS SIXTEEN


that was close to twenty years
so
keep that in mind as you read


so we were up to bat first...
did ok
then we take the field..i figure..i will take the outfield..
safe
ha ha
well, phillip dininno made a huge pop up fly ball lands behind me and i run to the fence to get it
i am feeling good
everyone yelling
ball in mit
go to run and throw and


BAM

fell right on my face
help up
like a dog chasing a ball but it tied to a leash...lmao
my shoe lace got caught on the little loop on the bottom of the fence
yeah
FLAT on my face

all i hear is throw the ball
hes runnin home
throw the ball jen



said ball was like three inches out of my reach at this point cause it dropped when my face hit the ground
then i hear my teammate ashley


HER FOOT IS CAUGHT IN THE FENCE!!!!

lol

and i am yelling...stop him from running...not fair
i am caught


ha ha

ms athlete of the year


i think i got MVP for that game





ha ha



good time tho
thanks everyone


and just a little fyi
i am practicing...
so any blue teamates wanna run some bases...we can do this
and one more thing....
i am bedazzling the shit out of my shirt

new kids...09..PITTSBURGH

for some reason, i cannot get these in order...maybe cause it is like 3 in the am..and i am still spinning from the concert....i will fix it tomorrow...maybe....probably not...lmao...

here we are at the show...the girls had shirts that say, i love nkotb on the front and just like my mommy on the back...mine was the same on the front and on the back of mine it said just like my kids.......

for some reason, i will have to have pictures to follow....

we had SUCH a good time...they loved it

lily and abby on either side of me, holding my arms....standing on the seats...dancing and singing the right stuff.....summertime...

lmao

who would have ever thought that we would be taking our kids to the new kids concert....

i loved it...so did they....

lily said to me...mom...

i think i am going to dream about the new kids tonight...

lmao

you and me both kid....

so fun

the bathroom floor

ok, i have been discussing this for a while with people
the whole jon and kate thing
i havent watched this season yet
i am however a follower of jon and kate from the beginning...
i would totally sell my story, install cameras and exploit my kids to be debt free...lmao
but for real, it was getting out of control
her barking, him dopey, her makeovers, his hair implants.... and her hair cut...they were killing me
and then all the hoopla about who jon was screwing over the summer really, i believed, was all for ratings
so i wasnt gonna watch
until now
nothing on, i watched the rerun of the first episode and balled..
i saw me
us
at that birthday party..
when they were so awkward...
they couldnt even look at each other
that hurt
being "civil" for the sake of the guests...
i have been in kates shoes, in jons shoes..
my kids
there kids
at the end of the day, they made the decision they did for the show, but to see them, that raw, just
hurt really hit home
we all make our decisions as jon says...
yes
but EVERYONE pays for them
we may not realize how much it hurts til you sit and see yourself and your family in someone's on tv
as i still sit and look at kate, with her nails done and thin
i see her trying to feel good...
just like when gram said to me... along time ago...
try some lipstick jen, it will make you feel better,
when you look better, you feel better
and in some cases, true...but when you look in the mirror or lay in bed or are alone in the car....
you know whats underneath..the hurt
when you feel totally inadequate..self esteem shot....
holding on ....
until you fuck everything up....
let go...she didnt
i did



just like today...
the tradgedy of bobby tomer
everyone is buzzing...
and everyone loves to talk
about how they knew him
what connection they had
what he did
that he was a drug addict
what the fuck does that matter now?
he is dead
and that his life got to be too much to take
he gave in, gave up
i did not know bobby
i knew of him, i know his family
and as a mother
for your child to take his own life, pretty much right in front of you
not being able to do anything to help your son
your baby....
well, has to be the most devestating thing in the world
and if it was indeed the psych drugs he was on
i can relate
sometimes i wish i never started taking them...
i mean, depression, anxiety, i just think you should be able to feel these things,
maybe we should hire coaches to help deal instead of masking it with psych drugs
i mean, it has been a while now,
but while my own doctors were figuring out what the hell was wrong with me
life is what is wrong with me
not having the right tools to deal with LIFE
i still believe that meds are horrible....
but i am so afraid to not be on them now...double edged sword

but anyway
not that long ago
the meds they gave me were not mixing
and a week into the cocktail....i found myself manic....
organizing clothes, except not...just putting things all over...and then just broke down,
kids fighting, my life spiraling, depression .....
i sat on my bathroom floor
wanting to end my life
while my kids were right in the living room
watching backyardigans...
no one knows why anything happens
so for all of you talking about this poor kid..
stop


you have no idea what goes on in peoples lives
the person in the cube next to you at work may have just picked herself up off the floor and hides behind a smile
or that guy serving you your cheese at the deli, may have just lost his mom or the girl sitting on the bus next to you may have just gotten her ass beat while her daughter watched before she went to school..
my point is, just cause someone is smiling on the outside, doesnt mean they are inside
i have judged people my whole life,
it is easy to point out others faults so you dont have to look at your own...
until recently
i have discovered
that no one deserves to be judged or talked about
it really saddens me that a 24 year old kid took his own life, no matter what his family life was
or whatever...
he is dead
say hi to a stranger
hug the ones you love
tell them you love them
smiling may just brighten someones day...
change their attitude..
keep them from hitting the bathroom floor...

Lily's cake at Grama mame's

Grama Mame had cake and ice cream for Lily....

Can you even believe the size of Josh...

and his voice has changed too...

abby said, "Mom, wait til you talk to Josh, he is like a man!!!"

and i am 6'1

pics from lilys party

here are the photos i promised...
lily had the best time...mom....not so much
if i ever attempt to take this on myself again...someone just mention may 16th
this is lily and her loot...

we then played games,

hot potato casuse the scavenger hun was vetoed by the rain

i made everyone make a t shirt

had lilys picture on the fron that said

LILYS BIRTHDAY BASH

and then they colored, signed, and put there name on it..

that way, i could keep track...


this is the crew...mark, maggie, abby, tyler, chris, steven, ben, maggie, allison

they were like the starter crew, cause the rest came later

lily's cake...she wanted it...lol

this my friends is katie...

this is lily's BFF

since pre school..

and if you think lily is bossy, katie is lil X 50!!!!!!!!!!!

so funny!!

the rain stopped long enough for the egg race....

after this was the part where i made dinner...

lol

i fed everyone and then put more hotdogs ont he grill

apparently they dont take that long when the grill is hot

lmao

um yeah, no one had seconds

burger kings flame broiled had nothing on these dogs...

they looked like little peices of black chalk..

cut me a break here people

i was solo...feeding like 17 kids

drinks, napkins, ketchup, more drinks

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

just thinking of it makes me need adavant

lol

happy birthday to you...

make your own sundae!!

i mean how cute are they....lol

these are lily's boys, they also met in pre school...

chris and mark

ok and here is the slumber crew!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...they were so amped!!!

that was the last picture of the evening...

no one slept,

everyone was hungry for snacks at different times

not one of them wanted to watch the same movie

or lay in the same spot

and there were tears and fights over who would lay nest to lil

so finally at one

i made everyone stand against the living room wall....

lmao

like freakin boot camp

and i laid there blankets down,

put i carly on

and lights out

i fell asleep sitting up on the couch!!

then i hear a little voice and feel this little cold finger...

miss jen...'

we are up

i am like, ok

my eyes literally were still closed like ten minutes into the morning bathroom trip..

i am pretty sure i fell back to sleep on the toilet

so i showered real quick and made breakfast..

of course

everyone gave me their order...lmao

like i am a fucking short order cook

Um no ladies, we are having scrambled eggs and bacon and toast

your parents will be here soon

if you dont want it, you can eat at home..

christ

here they are eating breakfst...

and here she is

officially 7

my lily bum

she loved every minute of it..from the cleaning, shopping preparation..to the end..

look at her..

lily bum bum

here are the pictures i promised...

lily's first birthday bash/slumber party

i am gonna post pictures later...i have to find the cord for my camera...and wait til you see them
lol
what a day
this was my shirt
i made t shirts for lilys friends...they said lily's 7th birthday bash...
then they all signed them and had their names on them...I had twin boys,
i figured it would be the only way i could keep track of the names..
so it began...at 3:30
we had,
maggie 1..she lives down the street
megan, she lives next door
chris and steven, the twins,
maggie
katie
mark
tyler
abigail
ben
savhanna
paige
emily
lily
abby
allison...
i may be forgetting someone...
but anyway...as they trickled in, the fun began...lmao


we played hot potatoe
to the beatles..
kids ..
tyler turned to me and said, even if i lose, i still get a prize right...
and they all needed something every second they were here
shit got real hectic when after the hot dog and french fry lunch
and in between clean up and cake
ben had a melt down when mark and stephen got into a real heated discussion about the woodland hills redistricting
lmao
ben is autistic
and is VERY sensitive
remember when rainman got really upset and started screaming
yes
that went down in the dining room
he just kept repeating,
this is just not going to work
this is just not going to work
and started crying
lily and katie actually know how to settle him
i was amazed...he doesnt make eye contact with anyone ...but lil and kate
so freaking cute


so..we did hot potatoe and egg races...lol
the rain ruined my scavenger hunt
i did pictures of clues...like a picture of the flowers..but i cut them up and they had to put them together..then figure out where to go
RAIN
dam rain...so that was out
they liked just playing and i was acutally sad the boys left
lol
they got into jared and collins room, found all the guns and were in there glory

and this is where i am at now...




we have switched rooms 85 times,
there has been actual tears shed...
fights over who is going to sleep next to lily
why wont she sleep by me
i am hungry
i am thirsty
i don t to watch this movie...
so ...i let them kind of go for a while...i had kate and the two maggies, lily, abby, emily..all of them
all set up and one by one
they go upstairs
then they need another drink
another snack
then another fight
more blankets


so finally
LIGHTS OUT
we are all in the living room
good night
i am over it
lol
i love that she is happy,
althought i had to deal with the lily drama of
"THIS IS THE WORST PARTY EVER"
and then two minutes later...she loves me and everything ...
lol


happy birthday lil
first and last slumber party



ha ha


pics to come...
i think someone is whisper fighting

my baby is seven...

lily turned 7
she wanted her hair cut off...short
so we did girls night tonight





here she is








i cant even handle this one...i mean...how old is she 17 or 7?



she loves it




my sweet lily....
she is my little princess
and is getting older...
i actually had to walk out of the salon for a second..
got teary today
i want to freeze them right now,....all of them
or jar their giggles
and save their "i love you mom" s in a box
life...
what a trip