the tooth fairy

so the little snaggle tooth that was hanging...finally fell out
or should i say...lil ripped it out
it was like someone got murdered
i was doing dishes and she came running into the kitchen covered in blood
tooth was no where to be found...
we assumed she swallowed it .... you know
in the midst of all theblood
anywho..
we searched and searched the living room
then she says
mom
i know i swallowed it
so she wrote the toothe fairy a note....






soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
freakin cute
so she woke up the next morning and flew down the steps..
there was a little silver box under her pillow...
it held five bucks....and a note from the tooth fairy
thanking lily for the note and letting her know that she had retrieved the tooth
and wanted lily to give it to her mom to hold
and under the note was the tooth
lily was in shock....
the tooth fairy actually flew into her stomach and found her tooth
she really is magic!!!!!!!!!!!!

today i am at peace..........

i have realized that sometimes you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons
and i am talking about relationships with friends...
i have found that sometimes i stay friends with the wrong people
selfish
mean
backstabbing people and i just dont get why
why do i stay friends with someone that tried to sleep with my husband,
that lies to me continuously
why do i try to help a friend that continuoulsy stabs me in the back
i sat with my friend for three days
laughed with her
cried with her
she said she needed help
that she needed to go to rehab, that she lost herself
she felt that she was going crazy
i know that feeling
i felt her pain....
so i was there
not like this is the only time either
i am always there for her....
always....but no more
anyway
i waited with her
took her to the hospital
she got beat up.....she had her ribs broken and some other random injuries from her wonderful boyfriend...
held her when she cried of broken ribs and a broken heart
and then witness her turn on me
i dont know if it was to go back to him,
or to get away from me
but i gave her real friendship and she turned it down
i gave her honesty
i gave her my shoulder, my heart and my ear
and well
now i am done
i have washed my hands of it
no one can help this woman

no one but herself

because i dont understand how you date someone for two months, let him beat the shit out of you for most of that time and then want to stay with him
someone that has nothing to offer
that comes from a broken, horrible family
no ambition
nothing

i just dont get it
but i am done trying to understand
i am over this friendship because i am choosing to surround myself with positive people
i am tired of others bringing me down
not just this friends
but everyone in my life


so today
i feel a calm
a relief...



i am happy

Happy Pumpkin Carving Day

Happy Pre Halloween...........
WE had so much fun today....

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

franklin regional homecoming 08

josh is growing up
and so is meg
i remember singing the alligator song and megan cracking up
and josh
well
he is my first born...
he is the apple of my mothers eye
and he is getting older by the second....
enjoy

Make a Smilebox slideshow

strangers

well...

all i can say is i am flattered

that this anonymouse person feels they have to spend time reminding me of this shit

what else can i say but thank you

i can look in the mirror and love what i see

i have to admit
some days are a little harder than others

but i am a good person

that made bad choices

but i am me none the less

so keep it coming

this is the last response that you will get from me

i cant wait for your daily comments...

how you think you can get to me

you cannot

or will not

anywho

halloween is coming up

my kids are thrilled to go trick or treating

lol

i just hate the whole day

week

devils night

i am scared

lol

and after watching THE STRANGERS

have any of you seen this shit?

if michael myers wasnt enough

now i have these images in my head

i thought it would be fun to watch a scary movie

like i am all grown up now

lol

no

there arent enough happy movies to take these images out of my head

i cannot go outside after dark

all of my blinds are closed

all the time

my door is always gonna be locked

cause in the movie when asked

"why are you doing this to us?"

the freaky voice behind the mask says

"Cause you were home"

and to make matters worse

at the beginning

you are reminded

that the movie is based on true events

lol

thank you

and good night

poof.....be gone

you know
i just got a very honest and touching email from my favorite relative...
and she brought something to my attention that made me think
why is this anonymous part of my life
why with such harshness and anonymity is this person even in my life
why do they want to know me?
i am not sure
if you have such strong feelings for me
for my past
such loathing
then why not remove yourself from my life
or is it just easier to sit and judge me
ridicule me for my mistakes than look at your own
or that someone is doing to you

go ahead
i will be your punching bag...
get it all out
cause i can laugh daily
i look back and cringe and cry and hurt for all i did
but how long am i supposed to mourn the mistakes i have made

i love my life so much now
i like me
with all the bull shit
i have lots of character....lmao

and i can do this because i do have a wonderful family
that does care
they dont have to agree with my fuck ups and they can tell me to get up off my ass and do something with my life...
and they can have their opinion
but then that's it
they are not my judge
nor are you
you are not better than me
or anyone else
life is short
too short for someone like you in my life
cause it may not be today
or tomorrow of a year from now
but trust me
the truth always surfaces.................ALWAYS
i will find out who wrote me these love letters
and what will i do with them
NOTHING
because if i let every bad comment or opinion ruin my life
i would be six feet under
~deep breath~
and i am gonna quote her ...... my favorite relative....
"anyone can stay for the rainbow - it is the people that are there after the storm "
and you know what
i should keep that in mind every day
EVERY DAY
thank you
be gone oh negative one
lol
poof

thank you

i sit here and debate on what to do
this anonymous really gets to me...
she knows it
but apparently there are two now because a "we"was mentioned
sooooooooooo
i could blog battle
and cry
and be hurt by reading these comments
i think that i cry because i do know it is true
or maybe i cry because i think i know who it is by the words that are used
women that have been hurt by cheating husbands...
or that have cheating fathers......
or that have cheated themselves and just want to point out my wrong doings to make them feel better....not sure
but hurtful none the less

let me start by saying this

i did what was right for aiden
i made another family complete
and one day i will explain that to my kids
I will answer any question that they have honestly
and maybe these mistakes i made will make me a better mom...
a better listener
a better person
and i HOPE that one day my kids WILL forgive me for me being the person that i WAS
back then
not present
the words you chose in those comments were hurtful
and maybe at one time in my life ...that was me
but not now
so
stop
stop trying to beat me down with past mistakes
i am a person
i have feelings...
i hurt to
and i have hurt myself and others in my life
i dont blame anyone for my decisions and mistakes
i made them
i deal with them everyday
none of you do
none of these decisions i made about josh, or lucas or anything in my life are easy
but they make me an easy target
easy for you to point the things out that you would have done different, or what i should have done
they arent easy things
do you know what it feels like to be all alone in a hospital room...
holding a peice of you, your child, tiny baby... so close
just to feel his breath of his on your face
to listen to his breath one last time before you have to let him go....
to sing to him over and over in hopes he will remember your voice forever....
to have a peice of you gone
forever
tell me you know what that feels like.....
and i know
i know
what i did to get there was all my fault...
but dont you dare tell me how it feels to be me
or what hurt is
i know
these decisions are hard for me
on a daily basis
and yes , at times maybe for me i do look to blame
but i do not blame anyone
not my family, yes sometimes i dont like the way things happened when i was little, what i saw or heard
and i do sometimes blame dj because in the beginning i was a really good wife and i tried really hard to make things work....as i did in the end....we just didnt know how to be married....
and i can sit here and try to justify or give you reasons both of us were wrong, but i am not
it has taken a toll on me
trying to blame
i stopped doing that and looked in the mirror a long time ago
i am the only one i hold responsible for anything going wrong or right in my life
i am moving on
i am past my mistakes
i am trying to make myself a better person daily
i know that all of you would love that to happen over night
its not gonna happen
but you keep trying to put me down
give me all the bad shit
remind me of it
over
and over
and over and over
i can take it
believe me i have taken much worse
i am taking it all in
cause in the end ...
maybe i can thank you
for making me stronger