Monday, March 31, 2008

in a perfect world

so i was at the park today
watching collin and i just wanted to post this thought..
we should all take a page from his book of friendship.....

they meet on the slide...

a really cute little blonde girl and i see him talking to her..putting his hand out
"you need a hol my han?"
he says too her
and then she answers

"yeah cause you are my friend"

he walks he past me

"mom....this is my best fwen"

and they played....
holding hands

he didnt care where she lived
or what she was wearing

he didnt ask what she did for a living
or where she grew up

he didnt care if she was a fast runner
or if she could barely walk with the braces on her legs

he didnt care if she was black, yellow orange or red
all he cared is that she rode the slide with him
asked her if she would hold his hand
and now they were best friends.....

everyone should be that non judgemental...

IN a PERFECT world i geuss
or that of a three year old

i wish i could bottle up that innocence and save it on a shelf...

New Kids on the Block

New Kids on the Block
Originally uploaded by hogwartsdropout

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me regain my composure...

ok i will say no more until you see this link


are you back


the five loves of my life

and no i am not talking about my kids

my first loves my first love donnie.........

cue music

they are sooooooooooooooooooo reuniting...

and it feels sooooooooooo good

it is the day before april fools....

so no joke they are gonna be on the today show friday 7 am

i knew they would never let me down ..

they new that i would be lovin them forever cause you know they got the right stuff....

i have followed them for years...step by step... and i have been hangin tough these last few months .... waiting..for this day

now its time

for for for the new kids

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn the block ahh aha ah a

(that was there into for there concerts!)

oh bust out the jogging shoes

cause if for nothing else

i will be skinny when donnie whalberg comes to pittsburgh!

anyone down for a road trip kids and all

drive to new york

kids wagons i would so do it for the new kids

are you tough enough? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

the shoot

who the hell thought of this...
i am not sure if my daughter has a future in the entertainment business...
and i am talking about modeling...acting...
the drama queen has found a new hobby
she wants her picture
taken all the time
like this mom
and then it catches on

all of them
like a freakin photo shoot
funny though

collin took it a little too far
and after all was was put away
he went for the make up
made himself a "SUPER" model
purse and all

he will appreciate that picture when he is older

Saturday, March 29, 2008


Click to play Slice of Life
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he totally caught me off guard....

so last children were playing upstairs
too quiet for way too long
i mean we usually have someone crying or fighting by now....
so me and d bet within the next ten minutes...there would be tears
the joy of being right all the time
no tears though, but our little tattle tale
she is so ho hum about
she just sort of appears out of no never hear her coming...
sort of like the butler from Mr Deeds...
seems jared called her the b word and said the f word too...
folks...i have to admit
we swear
i dont mean to sometimes..
neither does d...but we do and we try not to around the kids
but hey
we live in a fuckin two bedroom apartment....
sometimes they hear some stuff
that is my bad parent admission for the day.........
so anyway
i am so prepared to punish jared ..for swearing and probably for lying about not swearing
so he stands in front of me
and i say jared ....did you call your sister a bitch?
and i got the answer
i was already to yell at him for lying to my face..
he caught me off guard
and i didnt know what to say
he told the truth
i was totally unprepared......
me and d have been talking to him about lying
about how the truth is always better in the end no matter what it is...
and there you have it
i know that situation is a little messed up
the word
that he used is on his own sister
but he didnt lie!

go to your room for a while, i will be in to talk to you

me and dj just laughed...
well, he didnt lie
he is already grounded for bad attitude and crying and throughing 2 year old like temper
dj did the talk this time
told him how glad he was that he was honest and let him off with a time out...
next time soap in the mouth threat and he was on his way
i geuss sometihings do sink in....
i hope that as he gets older he will remember that we can handle the truth, no matter how bad
hopefully we wont have to handle anything...that he will just breeze through school...good grades, no bad behavior...all 4 graduate from high school and college and have wonderful lives....happily ever after........
the end

Friday, March 28, 2008

just the tip of the ice berg

i was reminded today that i am funny
and well, that i whine.....WAYYYYYYYYYYYY too much
so i was trying to thinkm of a topic and i came across debs blog..
the 80's
while most people think of the eighties as big hair, punk music, good times


i have a few other thoughts of the eighties
you see i was the awkward 13 year old in what 1988...
i was like 5'11 and most of the boys were trying to be 5'5...
it was not a fun time for me ....liking boys ....well it was a struggle
i still think some of them only did it cause they felt sorry for me...


i thought i would blog about the "firsts"

but i sit here thinking back and as messed up as we all were then....those are some of the best memories of my life...
those were the days of discovery
discovering who i was..well....sort of

8th grade is the year i got my
we were sledriding down the path from west on our social studies books
me, deb....and i dont really remember who else...all i know is Jon Zinza was there...and i just loved him...
we all went back to my house... i think my mom was home and i am sure we had hot chocolate or some shit....
but i went to go change and pee and
there is was
i thought i shit my pants
i was freaking out
i mean come on ...jon zinza was hanging out in the basement and i shit my pants without knowing it...
all i could think of was ..
did anyone see this mess
and worse yet....can they smell it............CHRIST
my mom was like...
oh jen..its your period ....there are pads under the sink...
like it was no biggy
and i thought that was it....the big talk
little did i know i would be attending a "coming of age"class with her......
this was one of the most disturbing memories of 8th grade
walking into that class room....the first thing i saw
was a 6 foot (maybe 4, but it seemed huge to me) VAGINA
you read that right, i swear to god it was life sized adn big and plastic and it still haunts my dreams at times........
i was so freaking nervous....especially when they started talking about sex.....
jesus, i was embarassed to watch kissing scenes in a movie with my mother let alone talk about S-E-X with her....i never even kissed a boy at this point in my life....
later in the class, we all got to see how to insert a tampon - yes, thank you
we got to play a board game that followed the steps of conception, like candyland but with sex topics....
i was humiliated...
my mother meant well, honest to god....
i am making a promise to my girls right now...
no classes

speaking of kissing.........
i can remember wanting to kiss a boy soooooooo bad.....and i just couldn't
i remember watching jill yearsley kissing thomas in 6th grade and i just couldn't
i mean OPEN mouth.....WTF!
and they would just sit and kiss for like f-ing ever.......
brian later broke up with me to "go with" jill....hmmmmmmmmm

anyway..eith grade, thomas kilgours house...skipping school
EVERYONE was kissing.........
not me.......
too scared
took me til late eighth grade......
sean richardson of all
and kissing was so weird would just kiss for like hours.........gross

thomas kilgours house was the party house then
and i cannot believe that i got drunk for the first time in 8th grade.........
playing quarters with jack daniels at his dining room table
watching sara wise get the epilady stuck in her hair, and secretly hoping we would have to cut it out....anything to flaw her cuteness....sorry....
frank sacremento threw my kennywood outfit socks onto thomas' roof that day and i remember being so afraid to go mother would know something was up
i mean, if nothing else..she knew what i was wearing when i left the house and in the late 80's you always matched your socks to your outfit...
not like the smell of puke and jack daniels would be enough,
or the fact that i got thrown in the pool with my kennywood outfit on.........she probably smelled the chlorine..........or noticed the fusia pink i was wearing was a little faded
i can remember that day like it was yesterday
feeling so cool
and at the same time to inadequate, awkward...... so 13

more to come.......

Monday, March 17, 2008

my beautiful nephew

i love this little boy
i was so taken back by him that day
"old me aunt jen"
his little sweet voice
and he freakin fell asleep on my chest...
he can melt my heart and he knows it...
i love his face
i feel like i have missed too much of him
no more
i have made a vow to myself to be a bigger part of his life
my god son
my nephew
and logan too....
making memories...

no pain no gain

so fat ass decided that since i woke up sunday morning
like i was fucking ready to kill someone
i decided i needed to channel all this anger
and since i cannot do any drugs...lmao
i decided to run
i went up to the high school
woody high
did you know they re did the track
it is like a real track
they have a freaking score board and
i was the only sole up there
i walked ..slowly at first
listening to the music
trying to sing and walk
then out of now where
i thought of aiden
i cried
i cried and then my body went into ...
i dont know what the function is cause i never felt it before
i just started running
i ran
i cried and i ran
not breathing
and i ran until the pain became so great
i collapsed in the middle of the field
maybe a little shorter AHHHHHHHHH's
cause i really couldnt breathe
it felt good
and then i started laughing
who the fuck does shit like this
did i think i was in my own little fucking movie
yes actually
i did
so anyway
(or should i say
cause i think you are the only one that reads this can post this on your list
this is what i figure
if i can get out of my house
for an hour a day
with no kids
no dj
no talking
no fighting
just me
and the track
i will be down to my abercrombie weight in no time
i may be up to 5 miles by the weekend

i ran...
2 miles
8 laps
can you say shin splints
i think i broke a rib, or well
it feels like it
and my dumb ass put collin in the stroller today
and walked

i may need crutches
the longer i sit
the worse the pain

Sunday, March 9, 2008

there isn't any left

Just on quick thought of the evening..........
WHy is it when your four year old asks....
Can i have a glass of kool-aid.....
and i answer
there isnt any left
does she then start the interrogation...
where did it go
are you going to the store
lemme see
AND JUST FOR GP (general purposes)
NO YOU ARE NOT LOOKING IN THE FRIDGE......... have to calm your body down before you actually utter those very words to her...
no sweetheart..ill pick some up tomorrow
have some (FUCKING) milk....

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

i think someone ate her

i love instant messaging.......
it is so funny that i could sit and type for hours with my firiend of almost 20 years (Or is it longer than that........holy shit i can say i have a friend of twenty plus years..we are getting old) and literlaly laugh so hard and loud i almost woke the kids
laugh til i almost peed myself
i just had to say
thank you deb
now i know when i am feeling blue,
remember that we are gonna go to graceland
scream on all the roller coasters
gert ourselves back....
and when i really need to laugh..
i will just
just think of jaba at the end of the island...telling his wife how much YOU like to snack,
or us in helmets and harnesses on the tight rope
or the funniest one yet...........
i will just think of the fat girl that ate our highschool friend
i love it

i'm the thelma

i love this blog
keeping in line with the thought of the day....the lost feelings of yesteryear
trying to find myself again
i was watching making the band 4
i know
but stay with me
there is a couple on their..dont know anyones name
but they are sweet.
saying they are just friends..the whole show...
building up the feeling of the first kiss.....
do you remember that
the nerves
the rush
i want to find that
not in the kiss though
but in life
the rush of new things, new feelings
there has to be some kind of amazing feeling i have never felt before
like when i was on the track mats in that field at the high school
and waiting, knowing it was gonna happen...
or later in life..a new boyfriend...
hanging out all the time knowing that you wanted more
that intense feeling that flows asll through your body.....
i am thinking to much
i love those memories
but it wasnt just the kiss
it was the way i felt then
i want to find something to make me feel that way again
to have the confidence i did...
where did it go
where did i go
i want to turn the music up
i want to sing so loud i lose my voice
i want to dance
once a month i wanna feel that way again
i wanna be thelma

so with a clean slate

i can just start babbling

i was chatting with a friend today...i love our morning ims...


we were talking about how we lost ourselves....became mom

where the fuck did jen go...

i lost myself long ago...

long before i was a mom...

i want to find the person i was in like 10th grade

my sophomore year in highschool was the best time of my life

i laughed

really laughed

when i am asked of good memories or fun times...i have to say

that is what i refer to

i was just me

i had a blast

people liked to be around me

i was honest

i felt free

and now ....

i have become the mom...sweats and a mini van

and dont get me wrong, i love my kids..

but i just want to feel free....

to feel ...


i wanna laugh

i decided to create a blog site (with the help of my bud) to have my own place..
where i do not have to feel the pressure of pleasing anyone
where i can release
find me
say what the fuck i want and not care who is reading
so that is my intro
im jen
im a mom
i am an emotional wreck
i am fun
i wanna laugh again
a real laugh
like i did in highschool...
i want to find that feeling again......
come with me